MAN-LIKE MACHINES: art / enlightenment / the future

Infinite Dudes, a screenplay by George Dalphin
based on a chapter from his novel Thirsty & Drowning


	INFINITE DUDES JONATHON ESMERELDERO – 40 year old ex-punk family man who is losing-it/finally-waking-up. He has recently given himself a mohawk and futilely attempted suicide (not in that order). DR. SEIMS – 50’s gray-haired psychiatrist with weird methods and a deep knife scar on his face. MONICA ESMERELDERO – 48, Jonathon’s wife. MARIE ESMERELDERO – 16, Jonathon’s middle daughter, independent and with a generous, if wild, spirit. NATALIE ESMERLDERO – 13, Jonathon’s youngest daughter, who still yet acts more like eleven. MARK MACMURPHY – 28, Monica’s son from her first marriage, whom she has not seen in decades, and who is just returning from an extended bumming-around-Europe session. DR. SEIMS’ RECEPTIONIST/NURSE TWO MALE NURSES SECURITY GUARD INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY JONATHON is sitting in his chair watching MARIE and NATALIE play Super Nintendo. He seems to be enjoying himself. The sound of the front door opening makes him close his eyes in frustration. MONICA (off-camera) Jonathon, we have to go right now! Come on! MARIE and NATALIE give him apologetic, good-luck looks, then continue gaming as he mopes out of the room. EXT. WOODED ROADS – DAY MONICA is driving JONATHON in her white convertible. She has a lot on her mind, but continually looks over at JONATHON to make sure he is ok. JONATHON just gazes out at the houses they pass, his imagination wandering. He holds out his arm to feel the wind against it. MONICA (almost to herself) Please don’t stick your arm out the window, Honey. JONATHON pretends he didn’t hear her. MONICA So you know where it is in the building? JONATHON nods, only peripherally acknowledging his wife. JONATHON Yeah. MONICA Well if not, there should be people there you can ask, presumably. Your appointment is for an hour. So I will go and pick up Mark at the airport. If we have time, I may drop him off at home before I come to get you, but if not then I’ll just have him in the car. I’m sure he won’t mind. EXT. HOSPITAL FRONT ENTRANCE – DAY MONICA pulls the convertible up to the main entrance. JONATHON looks out at the world, trying hard to feel alive and powerful. When she stops the car he climbs out without opening the door. MONICA cringes and begins grumbling. MONICA There is a door, Jonathon. Jesus. JONATHON I didn’t touch the paint. MONICA Yeah, well, you already look enough like a crazy person. You don’t have to constantly undermine yourself. JONATHON No, I just look like a cool person. MONICA You look like someone who has lost it. JONATHON I do not. MONICA I’ll be back in about two hours, okay sweetheart? JONATHON narrows his eyes and cocks his head for a moment, jarred by her sudden change of tone. When his facial expression tells her he is not going to quickly respond, MONICA creates her own strange, opaque smile and then just drives off. JONATHON stands there by himself for a moment in thought, as people walk in and out around him. In this moment, there is a very quickly edited thought-sequence showing Jonathon with his daughters, him with his wife (younger) kissing, him with boxes behind him acting distraught, him pouring ether on the rag and then stuffing it in his mouth, choking, falling, then back to him in thought at the hospital, and over that quick sequence is the large title card INFINITE DUDES. Then he turns and heads through the revolving door into the hospital. INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAYS – WEIRD JONATHON heads through the hospital’s main entrance room to an elevator. He gets off in the basement and walks down the weird hallways full of crazy fish murals. In front of DR. SEIMS’ office, he addresses the nurse there, who points to chair. He sits there and looks through some magazines beside him. Finally, after a while, a very upset man leaves the office and JONATHON is beckoned by the nurse. He stands and goes into DR. SEIMS’ office. INT. DR. SEIMS’ OFFICE JONATHON enters DR. SEIMS’ office and stands down across the desk. DR. SEIMS is standing with his arms folded, facing one of his bookshelves, and turns after a moment to face JONATHON with a grin. DR. SEIMS Jonathon, good to see you. Sit down. JONATHON sits running his fingers through his mohawk, though DR. SEIMS remains standing at first. The doctor indicates his own head and asks: DR. SEIMS So what’s all this? JONATHON stares at DR. SEIMS with his head listing apathetically to the side. He sighs, and does not answer. DR. SEIMS You feeling okay? JONATHON I’m feeling fine. DR. SEIMS Well I like it. It’s very you. JONATHON I don’t give a damn if you like it or not. DR. SEIMS stares at JONATHON in response, then pulls a file out of one of his filing cabinets and opens it on his desk, sits down. DR. SEIMS It’s been a while since I saw you last. How are things at home? JONATHON shakes his head and rolls his eyes. Finally he throws up his hands and clears his throat. JONATHON Things at home are like living inside a corpse. DR. SEIMS So, not good? JONATHON Good, bad, I don’t know. They’re how they are. JONATHON pulls out a pack of cigarettes and puts one in his mouth. DR. SEIMS You can’t smoke in here. JONATHON lights his cigarette defiantly, looking the doctor in the eyes. JONATHON You’re the one who told me to start smoking. DR. SEIMS Yes, but smoking in this building is illegal. This is a hospital, Mr. Emeraldo. JONATHON Esmereldero. Look, you made me wait, so now you’ve got about half an hour before I’m out of here. Why don’t you spend your time wisely and make sure you get to ever little oppression you have in store for me on that list of yours. JONATHON wags his finger across the desk at the papers in DR. SEIMS’ file folder. DR. SEIMS laughs. DR. SEIMS Okay, Jonathon. Have it your way. So you like smoking? Is it working for you? JONATHON Yeah, it feels good, but it’s fucking killing me, thanks to you. What the hell kind of prescription is that anyway? DR. SEIMS I think it’s more important to lead a healthy mental life than a healthy physical life. At least, the one is priority over the other. JONATHON I’m sure there are a lot of real doctors in this building who would disagree with you. DR. SEIMS Well you’re not talking to them, are you? You’re talking to me, and if I think something is right or true, I’m not going to back down on those beliefs just because that specific bias has been labeled an ‘opinion’ and it’s customary to be respectful of other people’s opinions. No, Jonathon, I think, I feel, I believe that if you have a feeling, opinion or belief, then you’d better damn well have it for a good reason, and if you do have a good reason then why on earth would you compromise your own integrity by not living that belief? JONATHON Jesus Christ. JONATHON looks around in discomfort. DR. SEIMS puts his hands on his desk and leans forward slightly, looking JONATHON right in the eyes, one eye just barely more open than the other. DR. SEIMS What’ wrong, Jonathon? Look at me, and speak to me. Now tell me about what’s happening in your life. JONATHON begins to squirm in his chair, feeling like the doctor is trying to cast some sort of spell on him, yet feeling like he oughtn’t look away from his eye contact. DR. SEIMS holds his eye contact and after a few moments JONATHON’s squirming stops, and he sits still in whatever awkward position he had ended up in after the squirming. JONATHON Um, okay. DR. SEIMS relaxes his manner and leans back a little bit. DR. SEIMS Okay. So how was your summer in the Adirondacks? Your ancestral research? JONATHON Good. It was really nice, actually. I got a chance to see Piotr McClennan, my father’s old friend/retainer, and I hadn’t seen him in years. DR. SEIMS Ahh, so you broke one of the rules your wife had given you. I remember the name; she told your nurse to make sure you didn’t see him. He failed, I see. What was it that made you want to go see this man? JONATHON I can’t remember exactly. DR. SEIMS You went to see him because you weren’t allowed to, of course. JONATHON What? That doesn’t make sense. What am I, four? DR. SEIMS It does make sense, Jonathon, to a child. This is your whole issue. For some reason, there are certain aspects of your childhood that you never got to have as long as your mother was alive, and now that she’s dead you’ve started to regress. JONATHON laughs. JONATHON Is that what this is? DR. SEIMS Jonathon, you need to understand that the human mind works in amazingly predictable ways. It’s an algorithm that, given enough information, can be predicted. You’d be surprised, I think, how much I know about you and those inner workings that so completely befuddle you. JONATHON If you know so much about my life then why are you always asking me about it? Why don’t you just tell me what’s broken and tell me how to fix it? DR. SEIMS It’s not a question of being broken or fixed, that’s why. The quest for knowledge is nothing more than a choice of the preferred idiom of your delusion. It’s simply a question of lesser or higher quality modes of relative existence. The life you live is solely determined by the lens through which you perceive it. If you know how you’d like your outlook on life to be, by all means tell me, and I will help you achieve that. That’s what I’m here for. But you don’t have any idea how you want to live your life. JONATHON It’s my choice. It’s not the kind of thing that can be a goal. You have to get to know yourself, and you never stop doing that. DR. SEIMS You make it sound as if who you are is a constant which the point of your life is to discover. Who you are is not a constant; it’s an ever-fluctuating matrix of possibilities. Who you are changes every moment based on the choices you make in your life – not, mind you, the things you think about, but the cold, physical things that you actually do. That’s what makes you who you are, and the inner thoughts are nothing more than you dealing with the repercussions of your voluntary actions in the world. (beat) You listen to a lot of popular music, don’t you Jonathon? You’re a rock and roll guy? JONATHON Of course I do. DR. SEIMS There is some truth about the fact, you know, that an obsession with popular music can result in serious depression. JONATHON Not listening to popular music would be like not listening to the truth. Why on earth would anybody do that? You don’t understand a fucking thing! You’re just completely wrong about everything! JONATHON shoots up out of his seat. He takes a long drag on his cigarette, glaring at DR. SEIMS, then exhales at him. DR. SEIMS Mr. Esmerello, please sit down. JONATHON No! No, fuck you! You are some kind of hypnotic demon, and I am not going to let your insipid bullshit into my brain! JONATHON holds his hands up over his ears, his body beginning to shake with adrenaline. Then, suddenly, he opens the door of the office and dashes out. DR. SEIMS Jonathon, where are you going? Get back here! INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY JONATHON runs full-speed back down the hallways that got him to DR. SEIMS’ office, passing back through the RECOVERY doors. He deftly dodges a few slow-moving hospital patients. As he races through a small waiting room, toward the elevator, someone calls out. SOMEONE Do you need help, sir? He slips into the elevator just as it is shutting, waving and smiling away the concerned looks he gets as the doors slowly shut. INT. ELEVATOR JONATHON stands, fuming cigarette in hand, on the elevator with two MALE NURSES and an elderly woman in a wheelchair with tubes coming out of her face. JONATHON tries hard to stop panting and to seem calm. NURSE 1 You okay, sir? JONATHON Oh yeah, I’m fine. I was just visiting my mother and I … I realized I had to be somewhere five minutes ago. So I need to get to my car. That’s all it is. NURSE 2 What’s your name? JONATHON (thinking quickly) My name? Is Terry … Nichols. NURSE 2 Your name is Terry Nichols? JONATHON That’s right. NURSE 2 Well you can’t smoke in here, Mr. Nichols. JONATHON only then notices the cigarette in his hand, and he tries quickly to think of how to put it out, then licks his fingers and stubs it out between them. JONATHON Ow. He puts the butt in his pocket and waits out the rest of the elevator ride in awkwardness. The old lady coughs and waves her hand in front of herself. INT. HOSPITAL MAIN ENTRY ROOM The doors finally open and JONATHON hurries out, but quickly notices a SECURITY GUARD standing firmly by the reception desk, arms folded, and they have a moment of eye contact that makes JONATHON very nervous. He walks quickly but ‘calmly’ past the SECURITY GUARD to the revolving front door. SECURITY GUARD Evening, sir. JONATHON Mr. Officer. EXT. HOSPITAL ENTRANCE – AFTERNOON JONATHON exits the hospital, looking over his shoulder a couple of times nervously, then once out of sight of the front doors, starts rushing again until he gets to the far side of the parking lot, where he climbs into the middle of a big bush to hide there. For several long seconds, JONATHON crouches in the big bush and stares torpidly forward, in thought. INT. MARIE’S BEDROOM MARIE stuffs her small backpack with the things she is going to take with her when she runs away. He puts in a few shirts and skirts and pants, then a handful of underwear and bras. She puts in her sketchbook and CD player, then chooses a few CDs. After a few moments of decision when confronted with a too-full backpack, she decides to put in a few more CDs and not to bring any bras after a moment of thought, and throws them back into her closet. Then she retrieves a small box full of cash, which she removes, looks at, puts in a velvet bag and then puts in her backpack. When she’s done she hides the backpack under her bed and sits down in thought for a while, clearly nervous. INT. LIVING ROOM – AFTERNOON NATALIE is still playing Contra on the Super Nintendo. Her character keeps dying. MARIE sits down next to her. NATALIE What a hellish landscape. MARIE watches her die a couple more times, looking back and forth between the game and her little sister, then perks up from her serious thought process and nudges NATALIE. NATALIE Fuck off. MARIE Hey Natalie, restart it and I’ll show you a code that will give you infinite dudes. NATALIE Infinite dudes, are you serious? NATALIE his restart and the game goes through its opening routine. MARIE Okay, now hit up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-select-start. NATALIE does as instructed, listening carefully and then pressing the buttons carefully. MARIE I remind myself by thinking about B. A. Baracus from the A-Team. The game comes up for NATALIE with infinite lives, and she grins at the sight of it. NATALIE So I have infinite dudes now? MARIE Yeah. Go on and get it, girl. MARIE pats NATALIE on the shoulder as she gets up and heads out of the room to the house’s front door. MARIE Hey Nat, I’m gonna be outside, okay? NATALIE Cool. Thanks, Marie. MARIE goes out onto the porch. EXT. FRONT STEP MARIE sits down on the front step of the house and lights a cigarette. She pans her gaze along the street at the houses all around. EXT. HOSPITAL PARKING LOT JONATHON is still crouched in the bush, thinking, though he now seems somehow more relaxed. The sound of someone getting into their car nearby startles him back to the confusing world, and he scans the parking lot for any sign of Monica once again. He sees the convertible pull in and waits a moment so that it is not facing his direction, then climbs out of the bush and jogs up to the car before it can really stop in front of the hospital. MARK MACMURPHY is in the passenger seat. JONATHON hops into the backseat before the car even stops, startling MONICA. MONICA Oh my god! Jonathon! JONATHON Giddy up, there, little lady, and take us on home. How does that sound? MONICA looks back at him for a moment, then turns back to the road and pulls out again toward the street. MARK leans back around his chair to shake JONATHON’S hand. MARK Hi there, Jonathon, I’m Mark. It’s nice to finally meet you as an adult. JONATHON Hi. JONATHON transparently thinks about saying a few things but chokes on them, then finally decides to say nothing more and just shakes the man’s hand. JONATHON gazes inwardly for a few moment, worrying about what he’s just done (fleeing the hospital appointment). After a moment he snaps out of it enough to address MARK, who is still turned around in his chair and has been politely, awkwardly watching JONATHON this whole time. JONATHON So how was your flight, Mark? MARK Well my girlfriend’s brother ran a ferry service between Crete and Athens and a friend of his in Athens offered me a thousand dollars for my hair so I had enough money to buy a ticket that day. MONICA He stopped in Madrid and Chicago. MARK Yeah, the flight was from Madrid to Chicago, then Chicago to Portland, so I’ve been flying a little longer than I should have needed to. But oh well. MONICA You must be so tired, honey. Jon, he’s been on planes for almost twenty-four hours. JONATHON That sucks. MARK It’s fine, really. I’m short so I don’t have the discomfort problems on planes that tall dudes like you probably do. JONATHON transparently realizes once again that this is MONICA’S son but not his. MONICA swerves a moment. MONICA Son-of-a-bitch! MARK Hey, I want to thank you for allowing me to stay with you guys until I get on my feet out here. JONATHON stares vacantly for a moment, then snaps out of it to answer MARK. JONATHON Oh yeah, it’s no problem at all, of course. We’re happy to help out family. MARK It means a lot to me that you would consider me family, Jonathon. JONATHON nods with a forced smile, and then MARK turns back around in his chair. JONATHON’s smile disappears, and he zones out, staring at the city as it passes around them. EXT. THE HOUSE The convertible pulls up to the house just as it is getting dark. MARK gets out and carries his single bag to the front door behind MONICA, who fairly prances ahead of him. JONATHON follows at a distance. INT. BREEZEWAY MONICA and MARK step inside and MARK looks around, nods to her with a smile. In the living room, NATALIE turns off the TV and gets up, jogs over to the front door. She looks up at MARK with a shy smile just as JONATHON is stepping inside. MONICA Mark, this is Natalie, our youngest daughter. MARK Nice to meet you, Natalie. NATALIE Hi, Mark. Down the hall, a door opens blasting the Violent Femmes’ Kiss Off, and MARIE comes out of the door and shuts it behind herself, walks down to hallway to the front door. She shake MARK’S hand. MARIE Hey Mark, I’m Marie. How are you, Dad? You’ve got a branch on you collar. MARIE pulls a stick off JONATHON’S collar. JONATHON I’m okay. I was in a bush for a while. MONICA coughs. MONICA When were you in a bush? JONATHON looks at her, but can only respond with laughter, and MARIE starts laughing too. They both laugh for a long time. MARIE has to hold her father’s shoulder to stay standing. MARK and NATALIE both laugh a little as well, but MARK’S laughter subsides long before the other’s. He looks over at MONICA with a smile, which makes MONICA smile through her concern.